Performance Reviews
These individual quotes were reportedly taken from actual employee
performance valuations in a large US Corporation:
- "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has
started to dig."
- "His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity."
- "I would not allow this employee to breed."
- "Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a
trap."
- "He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle."
- "He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve
them."
- "This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."
- "Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together."
- "He certainly takes a long time to make his pointless."
- "He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier."
- "I would like to go hunting with him sometime."
- "He's been working with glue too much."
- "He would argue with a signpost."
- "He has a knack for making strangers immediately."
- "He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room."
- "When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell."
- "A prime candidate for natural deselection."
- "Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming."
- "If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week."
- "It's hard to believe that he beat 1,000,000 other sperm to the egg."
- "Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled."
- "The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead."
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